| So tonight I have talked to two people who have impacted this entry. The first person I spoke to began to spark something within me. We started to talk about the different connections you have with people. I know many people and have many friends, but even fewer great friends, then there is a small circle at this point in my life that consists of five people that are my family. The last level, which I have been lucky enough to have this sort of connection with someone most of my life, this last level only consists of one person. This one person has changed from time to time but it is a slow fading process and they will always be held near and dear to my heart, even if I never speak to them again. The second person (from the south region) I spoke to tonight is truly a spiritual person. I still recognize her as a human, but she is so in tune with herself. I tend to only have "rally highs" when I speak to someone on a much higher spiritual level then myself. Even though we talked about real life situations we talked about things that help influence our moods and that raise our spiritual sense, even if it is only temporary. I quickly made a playlist on itunes of all the songs that I feel make me more aware and bring joy to me. These eight songs will keep me at a high point, hopefully long enough to finish this entry.
Y.O.U.ers, the connections you have, you experience, you live, you love, most people do not experience this in their entire lives. I feel blessed to be able to find these connections even before I found Unity. When I was around age five, I knocked this girls tooth out in karate, we then went for ice cream and Rebecca then became my best friend. For many years we spent every moment we could together. We have had a falling out a few times. The connection I had with her, was different from any other. She even went with me to my first rally. There is so much more I want to write about her, she helped me grow. This girl deserves a much longer paragraph on her. I feel though that I have sent love and gratitude towards her. I hope she has received it. For I still truly do and always will love her. 13 years, my longest friendship, I'm sure there are still more years to come.
Next came a young girl who was rough around the edges. I have no clue what has happened to her. I took risks, I learned to live for the moment, but I learned from her mistakes. She was only in my life for a brief period. I'm sort of glad that she is no longer much of a part, who knows where I would be now. I wish you all the luck and love in the world Heather.
Austin *deep breath*. I've known you for 7 years. You were a jerk to me in the beginning. You befriended me sometime in 7th or 8th grade. He was there for me, always was. He always cared. He really did *tear*. Although there were some things I didn't appreciate him doing, he wanted what was best for me (or what he thought was best for me). We became very attached. We often heard from others how we acted like a 50 year old couple, how we would always be friends. When he was a jerk to me in 6th grade my teacher told me we would be best friends, I didn't believe her. I got my first behavior notice because of him. I found an old I O U from 6th grade in one of my old journals. Can I still cash that in? He was there when I had to leave my dad. He suffered a high phone bill for it also. I'm tearing up right now just thinking about him. We no longer speak. I felt abandoned, gave a second chance, got abandoned once again. Losing him was so hard. This summer, when I got back to Indiana in June things were really rough for me for awhile. The one person I wanted was Austin. Divine Order. I was able to let go, a hard lesson but one that is needed. I became addicted to Austin. I hope things are better for him, or taught him some sort of lesson from me leaving. Even though it won't affect me if he reads this or not my only hope is that he knew how much I cared for him back while we were still friends, and how much I still care about him now.
Note: the next two people switched often so they aren't really in any order.
Brianna. My 3rd roommate, my partner in crime, my salvation, sanity, insanity. This girl feels like a sister to me. How she roomed with me for a year and a half I don't have a clue. She was always up in the top bunk, or in the bed right next to me. I'm having a slideshow of memories in my mind right now, yet I would rather sit back and appreciate them rather then write them down. It's nice to know that even though we don't/can't talk as much, that I still feel that connection. She's Bri. I wish you knew how much that sentence sums it all up. I know she will always be there. We had a juggling act going on we spent so much time together. Two opposite people with common interests obviously work as roommates. Most of the people reading this blog probably have never had a roommate. Once you live with someone, you learn all their secrets, you learn who they really are. You have to, if you live with them it's hard to fake who you are. It was because of her I was able to make it through 2 years of that hell hole. Love & Peace.
Joe. Fuck. I'm in Florida right now, and he is an hour and a half south of me right now, yet he lives in north carolina. It brought to my attention that we tend to cross paths a lot. I'm sure there is a reason for that. I knew him for half a year, then left for georgia. Over the internet I began to trust him. He knows more secrets about me then anyone. We have a trust, and a friendship that falls into several categories. I trust him, feel safe with him, I'm happy when I'm with him. I feel forgiven. It's ok for me to act the way I do, to think the way I do. I'm still cared about, not only do I know that, but I feel it.
The spot in my heart that few people see. These kids know how vulnerable I can be. They were and still are trusted with a huge part of my heart. I love them all deeply. I'm tempted to write processing questions.
1. Do you feel strongly connected to anyone at this point in your life?
2. How do you feel when you are with these people?
3. How much influence do they have on your life?
4. What lessons have they taught you?
You are more then welcome to answer these questions in comments. I honestly want to know. I care about you.
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